What A Mess!

           Summer has been quite eventful for us and not the kind of events I wish for. Our house that we rent was sold at auction and we're still in limbo about where we're headed next. I'm in turmoil over the changes my body is going through. Husband is working harder than ever to achieve his goal of a promotion (I'm very supportive, but very lonely). Life is in full swing and shows no signs of slowing either.
           With summer ending, I am anticipating having two little girls in school (growing way too fast), I will be going back to work (mixed feelings about this). All this in the midst of a move, hopefully to a home we are purchasing (fingers crossed).
           I keep from losing my mind by diving into The Word. Going to bible study on Thursday mornings and surrounding myself with women that make me feel safe, comforted, not alone. In my heart I know God has his hand in all of this and He will see us through. I truly believe I will come out of this for the better. We all will. God has a plan and I'm so glad He's in control of my life. If it were up to me we'd have a huge mess on our hands. What a relief!

Miss Madelynn Paige

            She's incredibly smart, gentle and very motherly.  Can sing her little heart out.  She loves to dance and she is such a perfectionist (wonder where she gets that from). Definitely a first born type. She's a daddy's girl (tear) and most of the time a great big sister. I said most of the time. Is not a morning person (again, I have no idea where she gets this trait from). She's absolutely beautiful even if she is losing all her teeth and I can't believe she belongs to me!!!
            God truly blessed us with this wonderful girl. She was such an easy baby. I definitely thought this mothering thing was a cinch when I had her. Then came Grace- another story, another time.
            My girl is gonna be 7. I can't believe time has gone by so quickly. She's just finishing her 1st grade year and I couldn't be more proud of my girl. Smart beyond her years and she knows it too. She's got some sass, it was inevitable coming from me and my sisters. She is sensitive, very feeling and emotional, like a true girl!

        I'm still trying to figure out what I did to deserve this amazing child, but I promise to do my best in raising her!  So excited to watch her grow up and blossom into a wonderful young lady!!!

Girls Weekend!

            Staying up late, riding rollercoasters, screaming like a little girl, laughing so hard I can barely breath, having great conversations with some amazing women (and not being interrupted once by kids), leisurely thrift-store shopping. That was my weekend. And I loved every second of it!
            About 2 weeks ago a friend invited me to go on a girls trip to Six Flags and Ventura for an overnighter. I was thrilled and instantly said yes. The Lord made it happen for me and now I know why. The trip was so much more than just going to Six Flags and being silly (although that was an added bonus). The conversation alone during the car ride was so amazing that if all we had done was drive there and then turn around and drive back, I would have been totally satisified.

            Out of the six girls I only knew 2 of them and I haven't known them for long. That was pretty much the case for most of the girls, but no one would have been able to tell. It was as if we'd known eachother for years. Our conversations were real and sincere, totally pleasing to the Lord. I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to go on this outing and I am so thankful to these women for making this trip so special. I hope to keep in touch with these women and developing some meaningful relationships too.

                                                              Amazing women of God!!!

Work or Stay at home?

           We've hit a wall and for the first time we completely disagree on the subject. My husband recently approached me about going back to work and I kind of blew him off thinking, "He can't be serious." Well, he was. I thought that if I gave him the numbers and showed him that all I would be bringing to bottom line was pennies, he'd finally see that me going to work right now wouldn't be worth it. I thought wrong.
           His point of view:
           If we wanna buy this house we are living in then we need to make more money on paper.
           Any extra income helps our current situation.
          
          My point of view:
          Cost of daycare against amount of money I will be making
          Finding a job that allows me weekends off and preferably off by 2 so I don't have to pay for after school care for Madelynn too.
          Having to let go of all my activities, getting Maddy to dance, Wednesday mornings at church, Friday mornings volunteering at Maddy's school.

          My heart is breaking because I know its killing my husband to even have to ask me to go back to work in the first place. A man measures his worth in his ability to provide and I know he feels like he's been lacking. I appreciate everything he does and I try to make the situation as easy for him as possible. I'm very frugal with the money and I try to stretch the dollar as fas as it will go. I literally am brought to tears just thinking about having to go back to work and leave my girl in daycare. I wanna do what's best for our family, but I truly believe me working is not the answer.
         I've been taught that in these situations to pray to God for the answers. I pray, but I never know what His answer is for me. Maybe I'm not good at recognizing the signs. I'm torn and all I want is to do the right thing. I wanna relieve the stress from my husband and I would like to live without the constant stress that lack of money brings. Maybe I'm dreaming.
                                                 

What Just Happened?

           The night started off great! My friend Becca surprised me with a makeup session at Mac. Then we went to sushi (yum). And then it was off to go dance the night away. We got to Bananaz around 10 o'clock. Had a couple drinks and started grooving. It was around midnight when I noticed that my ears were really itchy! Then my scalp started to itch. I looked at Becca and told her I wasn't feeling so well and that it was time to go.
           We start to drive home and I'm having a really difficult time breathing. My throat is closing and my neck and palms are so incredibly itchy. I'm wheezing and cannot draw in a deep breath. I start to have a flashback of when I was a kid having an asthma attack. Becca notices my distress and asks if she should take me to the E.R. No way!! I hate that place. She asks if I have Benadryl at home and I think I do. I get home and search for the medicine. By this point my chest hurts and its painful to try to breath. I'm starting to get a little panicked. Becca sees my reflection in the mirror as I'm looking for the Benadryl. I hear her gasp and look up to see what she sees. I'm covered in hives. My lips are huge, my nose is swollen beyond recognition. My hands are inflamed. Apparently, I'm allergic to something, but what?
          She sits with me to make sure the medicine is working and after 20 minutes my symptoms are improving. I send her home and jump into the shower, crank the temperature to scalding and sit with steam to try to open my airway some more. My night ends in bed with slightly labored breathing.
          What in the world did that to me? Still we have no clear answers. A couple of theories, but I'm too afraid to test them out. So what was supposed to be a fun-filled birthday celebration turned into something else all together.

What's Your Emergency?

         My husband returns home from a 12 hour day and as soon as he walks in the door he receives a phone call. I don't know who's on the other end of the line, but I can tell it's not someone with good news. As he hangs up there is a perplexed look on his face.
         "Who was that?"
         "It was 911."
         "911?! What did they say?"
         "She said my daughter was playing with the phone and she dialed 911 and I need to take the phone away from her."
         Wait! What? How was that possible? He just walked in the door from work, he hasn't even set his phone down yet. How could Grace have possibly called 911? Immediately I get worked up and defensive.
         "Why didn't you tell her she was wrong? That it was impossible?"
         He replies, "Uh, I was a bit caught off gaurd by the whole situation."

                                                  .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

        "Here mommy, she wants to talk to you."
        I play along and take the phone from her (our old cell phone). "Hello?" I say in my sweet pretend voice. And to my surprise there's a voice on the other end, "Hi this is 911 dispatch. Your daughter just dialed 911, is there an emergency?"
       Shocked and totally mortified I reply, "No sorry."
       "Can you please take the phone from your daughter?"
       "This is an inactive phone, I had no idea this was even possible."
She then informs me that it is in fact very possible and if we're going to let her play with our old phones to take the battery out first. I apologize and hang up. Oh crap!! What just happened? It then occurs to me that the other night when my husband received that phone call Gracie really had called 911!

     It wasn't but just a week ago when Gracie had asked me what the policeman's phone number was and I told her 911. That if she ever was scared or couldn't find me or daddy to call 911. I explained to her that it was only for emergencies and if there wasn't an adult around. Apparently she felt the need to test it out. This girl is just too much! She never ceases to amaze me and as long as she is around there will never be a dull moment.

      Needless to say, we took away the phone.

Packing it up

       Feeling overwhelmed! Boxes are everywhere and house is in disarray. Looking around and am coming to the realization that we have too much stuff. Closets, cupboards, drawers, just stuff in every nook and cranny. And don't even get me started on the amount of pictures I have hanging on the walls. Ugh, moving is exciting and I love to decorate and organize my new place but I wish there was a way to just teleport my stuff there. Ha! Top it off with football playoffs happening tomorrow, I can pretty much count my husband out of helping me. Yay!! (Sigh)
     Beyond the packing I am beyond blessed that we found a house that is within our budget and will make things less stretched. So anyone out there that has absolutely nothing to do this week (not likely), I am taking all volunteers. Wink wink. Hint hint.

Ouch!!

      "Come on Melissa, you can do anything for a minute", says the woman who loves to torture me. My legs are heavy and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. My aunt, the personal trainer, has been trying to kill me. Ever since I told her my New Year's resolution, she has graciously offered to help me workout and kill these pounds that refuse to go away. I am very grateful to her, but I feel like the process is gonna kill me. Afterwards I feel accomplished and proud of myself. During, is a whole other story.
      I'm on a quest. I'm gonna do it! I've gotten serious about eating better, trying to make better choices. Working out 3 times a week and on the off days I try to go for a walk. The process is rough and painful.  I'm beyond sore, but I keep telling myself that it'll all be worth it. Unfortunately, I like instant gratification and getting in shape is a process. I gotta stay strong. I'm thankful for the help from my aunt, just hope I don't drop dead in the process.

Silent screams

       With a smile planted on my face and words coming outta my mouth such as, "Yeah, it'll be fine. It'll all work out." I'm silently screaming and freaking out. What if we don't find a place in time? What if we have to pay rent for this place again? How will we make all our bills? Ugh!
      I can't show these fears or concerns, because then I'll be told I'm worrying over nothing. I need to calm down. Why are you being so negative? It's not my intentions to be negative, I call it being realistic. These are legit concerns aren't they? Do I start to pack when we don't even have a place to go yet?
     With all these questions going unanswered and not knowing when they will be answered, I tend to get inside my own head a bit too much. I overthink things and freak out, way too much!! Deep, deep down I do know everything will work out, but I just need to remember that.  I need to breath, calm down. Even as I say these words, I'm still screaming inside. It's hopeless, I'm a lost cause.

Moving Forward

       From the outside they look beautiful, they've been highly praised and are a great deal. I'm super excited to see the inside of these houses. Yet when we go on our outing today we are unable to actually see the inside and I start to get a little defeated. Knowing that a move is an absolute necessity, I hate not knowing when the exact date is or even which house it will be. I struggle with controlling my emotions and I know I'm starting to get irritated with the realtor. Why take us out house hunting if every time we drive by a potential option I hear, "Well we can't go in that one yet because there is a renter occupying the house and we haven't given them notice yet." Really? Then why am I here? There are so many loose ends that need to be tied and yet I can't start on any of them until I have a place we've actually seen the inside of and a move in date.
      Alas, I'm a little stressed out at the moment and in the midst of all this I am reminded that it is not in my timing but in God's. I'm humbled and brought to my knees. Of course I have forgotten amid all the chaos to give it up in prayer. I know He will provide, He always does.  I love how He uses every situation to teach us something. I'm being taught patience, pretty sure I will be taught that one again (many times), and to let go and let God. Not so easy with a control freak like me. Sigh. Ok here it goes, "Lord, I pray that you will provide the answers that I am searching for. Show me the house you have planned for us and please make the transition as smooth as possible and through it all please don't let me become too much of a stressed out, controlling, nit-picking, finger pointing, hair pulling, unenjoyable woman. Thank You!!"

New Year, new things

       So many changes have occured since the start of the new year and we're only a week into it!! We've solved our one car dilemma and purchased another vehicle. I'm happy with the purchase just nervous about adding another car payment to our already strechted budget. Speaking of stretched budget, we've decided it's time to move and save some money so eventually we can buy a house again. So within a month we plan on moving further east to North Indio. I still am having mixed emotions about it, but I know that in the long run it will be the best thing for my family.
     In addition to all that I have started a new workout regimen that I am on fire about. I am beyond determined to lose 10-15 pounds. With the help of my aunt who is a personal trainer, I know I'll hit my goal. 
     This year has already started with some big changes, all positive ones. If the year continues on like this then I definitely have something to look forward to. God is good!!!