Ouch!!

      "Come on Melissa, you can do anything for a minute", says the woman who loves to torture me. My legs are heavy and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. My aunt, the personal trainer, has been trying to kill me. Ever since I told her my New Year's resolution, she has graciously offered to help me workout and kill these pounds that refuse to go away. I am very grateful to her, but I feel like the process is gonna kill me. Afterwards I feel accomplished and proud of myself. During, is a whole other story.
      I'm on a quest. I'm gonna do it! I've gotten serious about eating better, trying to make better choices. Working out 3 times a week and on the off days I try to go for a walk. The process is rough and painful.  I'm beyond sore, but I keep telling myself that it'll all be worth it. Unfortunately, I like instant gratification and getting in shape is a process. I gotta stay strong. I'm thankful for the help from my aunt, just hope I don't drop dead in the process.

Silent screams

       With a smile planted on my face and words coming outta my mouth such as, "Yeah, it'll be fine. It'll all work out." I'm silently screaming and freaking out. What if we don't find a place in time? What if we have to pay rent for this place again? How will we make all our bills? Ugh!
      I can't show these fears or concerns, because then I'll be told I'm worrying over nothing. I need to calm down. Why are you being so negative? It's not my intentions to be negative, I call it being realistic. These are legit concerns aren't they? Do I start to pack when we don't even have a place to go yet?
     With all these questions going unanswered and not knowing when they will be answered, I tend to get inside my own head a bit too much. I overthink things and freak out, way too much!! Deep, deep down I do know everything will work out, but I just need to remember that.  I need to breath, calm down. Even as I say these words, I'm still screaming inside. It's hopeless, I'm a lost cause.

Moving Forward

       From the outside they look beautiful, they've been highly praised and are a great deal. I'm super excited to see the inside of these houses. Yet when we go on our outing today we are unable to actually see the inside and I start to get a little defeated. Knowing that a move is an absolute necessity, I hate not knowing when the exact date is or even which house it will be. I struggle with controlling my emotions and I know I'm starting to get irritated with the realtor. Why take us out house hunting if every time we drive by a potential option I hear, "Well we can't go in that one yet because there is a renter occupying the house and we haven't given them notice yet." Really? Then why am I here? There are so many loose ends that need to be tied and yet I can't start on any of them until I have a place we've actually seen the inside of and a move in date.
      Alas, I'm a little stressed out at the moment and in the midst of all this I am reminded that it is not in my timing but in God's. I'm humbled and brought to my knees. Of course I have forgotten amid all the chaos to give it up in prayer. I know He will provide, He always does.  I love how He uses every situation to teach us something. I'm being taught patience, pretty sure I will be taught that one again (many times), and to let go and let God. Not so easy with a control freak like me. Sigh. Ok here it goes, "Lord, I pray that you will provide the answers that I am searching for. Show me the house you have planned for us and please make the transition as smooth as possible and through it all please don't let me become too much of a stressed out, controlling, nit-picking, finger pointing, hair pulling, unenjoyable woman. Thank You!!"

New Year, new things

       So many changes have occured since the start of the new year and we're only a week into it!! We've solved our one car dilemma and purchased another vehicle. I'm happy with the purchase just nervous about adding another car payment to our already strechted budget. Speaking of stretched budget, we've decided it's time to move and save some money so eventually we can buy a house again. So within a month we plan on moving further east to North Indio. I still am having mixed emotions about it, but I know that in the long run it will be the best thing for my family.
     In addition to all that I have started a new workout regimen that I am on fire about. I am beyond determined to lose 10-15 pounds. With the help of my aunt who is a personal trainer, I know I'll hit my goal. 
     This year has already started with some big changes, all positive ones. If the year continues on like this then I definitely have something to look forward to. God is good!!!

Under Attack!

     I have been dealing with our ant problem since we've moved into this house about 2 1/2 years ago and they've always been the little harmless black ants that are more annoying than anything. Now with the start of this winter I am having to fight against these big red ants that bite! I have an exterminator and he's been out 4 times in the last six weeks! Still, these ants torment me. I'm afraid to let my children play outside for fear they will get all bit up and I dare not leave a crumb on the counter or they'll swarm. With 2 kids and the everyday life of a mommy it is impossible to have this house totally sterile all the time. Just not gonna happen, yet I do know that my house isn't dirty enough to warrant all these ants. They appear in the strangest areas, the medicine cabinet for example. Really?! What in the world do they want in there? I have the exterminator coming one last time and we will see if anything changes. If not? Then the ants can have the house and we're moving. (Well I wish anyway)

Laughs!!

    Never seems to amaze me how my youngest can make me laugh so hard. She always seems to know when I need a smile. She is only 4 and she has such a personality!! After a long 2 days of jury duty she is the one to lift my spirits.  She will randomly just call my name and much like "Family Guy" I ignore her until she says my name so many times I yell, "What?!" She then looks at me and says, "I love you." I melt. My little Grace is full of stories and lots of love. She tells me that tomorrow we need to go to the nail salon and get our toes done. Really? At age 4 we're already high maintenance? She always gives me a play by play of every activity she is doing, even when she is going to the bathroom. She'll yell, "Mom? I'm going potty!" I think ok, I don't really need to know, but thanks for the update. Her random acts of love are always heartfelt. Outta nowhere she will run up to me and give me kisses and hugs and say, "You're the best mom!" Again, I melt! She is such a perfect little girl, full of love and life and I am so glad God has allowed me to be her mommy. Looking forward to the years ahead.

Amazing Friends!

      Thank God for my amazing friends!! With all that I have going on and with my husband needing to be everywhere as well, I have been desperately trying to find rides to and from places. God has definitely blessed me with some amazing women, because on top of everything else I have going on this week, I got jury duty too! Amazing timing! Luckily (knock on wood), I haven't actually been called in yet, but in case I do I have no ride there. Enter my great friend, Christine.
     Christine is a woman I met last year because our daughters were in the same class last year and luck has it that they share a class this year too. Our girls became instant friends and through their insistence we arranged playdates and now we too are dear friends. This woman has been a Godsent to me. Between driving Maddy home from school occasionally and even watching my girls so I can work she now has offered to drive me to jury duty if I do get called in for it. Seriously? Little things like this make me realize how truly blessed I am even though I tend to bitch about our car situation. It makes me stop and see that at least I have a great support system.
      At the last minute I realize, "oh crap!", I have to get a blood test done on Grace for this program I am in today by 11 or I will be dropped. Again, I have no vehicle. Enter another great friend, Becca.
       I met Becca through church and instantly knew we were gonna be close. She is so real and genuine, a nice refreshing change. I don't feel like I have to pretend I have it all together with her. She takes me like I am, flaws and all. I tell her that I am unable to make it to get the test done and she chimes in that she needs to get the same thing done for her girls so she'll drive me. Mind you, she is totally going out of her way because there is a facility way closer to her to get this done. But no, she insists on taking me and I am completely grateful to her for it.
      In all my trials right now, I am always being shown through someone else that I am blessed beyond words with friends that are completely selfless. These are just two of the woman in my life that have graced me with their amazing friendship this past year and words can't express enough how thankful I am to them. I just wanna be a woman like this, a friend that helps with nothing expected in return and I hope that I can be a blessing to someone else like they are to me.